unspoken absence

To say I'm overdue for a post would be an understatement! Right before Kyle and I got engaged I was informed of something that I hesitated and ultimately decided not to share. As time went on things became real. The past few months were no less than bittersweet. It was one of the happiest times in my life due to becoming newly engaged to the man I've always dreamed of and it was also the most devastating time in my life as well. Over the past couple of months the last thought on my mind was my "come back" blog post until the past few weeks where life has finally returned to 'normal', if it can actually be just that. I've thought about what I would blog about for quite a bit now, how I would spice it up and pretend everything has been just fine, nothing more than me hitting a speed bump in the blogosphere. Then reality hits. I made this blog to document mine and Kyle's life together speed bumps, flat tires, and all.

In the end of August my dad called me and told me that he needed to see my sister and I after work at my parent's house. First thought: more paperwork about wills, legal crap, etc. Second thought: something's wrong with Grand Daddy. My dad wouldn't lead into anything, okay really he just straight up told me no to both of the above. Later when my sister and I arrived my dad brought us into the kitchen where I realized he had lied. There was something wrong with my grand father, something that could not be fixed. He had liver cancer and the doctors gave him no more than three months to live. Normally by the time someone realizes that they have liver cancer it's too late to do anything about it. I've always thought that knowing that someone is going to die would be much easier than someone suddenly dying without any prior notice at all. I was wrong. Bottom line there is no easy way when it comes to death. It's the loss of a loved one regardless of how it happens. There's that absence in your life that can never be filled. I was my grand daddy's little girl. He was ultimately my shining star. Watching him lose his life right in front of me was draining. I spent weeks driving an hour to the hospital to sit with him. I miss him so much and really maybe I should've waited to even post about it because I'm still not taking it all that well. My sister and I were the last to see him and that's something I will always cherish. I will forever miss his smile, the way he laughs, the way he was never afraid to let the entire family know that I was his baby girl, his favorite... not caring who's feelings it may have hurt. I wish I could wrap my arms around his neck just one more time. I wish I could hear the way he sometimes had a hard time pronouncing words due to his speech impediment that he ended up with after a motorcycle wreck.

And that is why I haven't been here to post. I'm going to try to get better. After all the Holiday seasons are right around the corner and I have been getting on Pinterest.com like a maniac!